Vague Feedback in Performance Reviews: How to Decode and Thrive Anyway

Marlo Lyons
4 days ago
4 min read

It’s that time of year again. Performance review season! And for many people, it brings a mix of anxiety, confusion, and self-doubt.

If you haven’t read or listened to Part One of this series, When Feedback Feels Like Judgment, click here. In that episode, I shared how judgmental language like “over-driving” or “over-committing” can harm trust, particularly for highly sensitive and neurodiverse employees. I broke down why words matter and how leaders can deliver performance feedback that develops rather than diminishes.

This blog shares a different kind of review. This review wasn’t filled with sharp words, but with vague feedback that left me confused, searching for clarity, and questioning my worth.

And if you’ve ever left a review conversation thinking “What does that even mean?” then this one’s for you.

When Feedback Feels Vague and Personal

Performance reviews typically assess two things:

The What – what you accomplished.
The How – how you accomplished it.

“The what” tends to be objective. Did you hit your targets? Deliver your projects? Achieve results?

But “the how” is subjective and that’s where perception, bias, and judgment sneak in. That’s also where even your best year can feel like a loss.

In my case, my accomplishments were strong. I led global talent planning, guided employee development, and ran a major job leveling project. My work was measurable, strategic, and impactful. Then came the “development areas.”

My manager wrote:

“While your problem solving and work efforts are strong, your leaders continue to share that you come across as directive and concluding in opinions.”

Directive? Concluding in opinions? What does that even mean? An opinion… is my opinion!

I asked the leaders I supported for examples, trying to understand how to adjust my approach. But I got nothing. Blank stares, silence, or praise. Without examples, you start to spiral. Is it my tone? My confidence? Am I “too much”?

When feedback lacks clarity, you don’t grow, you guess. And that’s the problem.

When Private Conversations Become Performance Judgments

The next piece of feedback stung even more:

“Continue to manage your inspections of others. You can be protective of those you connect with easily and dismissive of others. Watch your own biases and base your perspectives on facts versus feelings.”

This one made me angry. Because one of my greatest strengths is intuition. I can spot authenticity, and manipulation, a mile away. My so-called “bias” wasn’t based on feelings; it was based on facts and lived experience.

At that time, I was considering leaving corporate life. I had moved states, and though my boss tried to help me find another remote role at the company, the leaders who had open roles had shown toxic behaviors. I interviewed for two roles and promptly pulled myself out of the running, candidly shared my reasoning with my manager.

That private conversation in what I thought was a safe space ended up in my performance review. And it was framed as my flaw, not a boundary rooted in self-respect.

That’s when I realized: vague feedback isn’t always about you. Sometimes it’s a reflection of your manager’s discomfort, bias, or limited understanding.

How Subjectivity Fuels Confusion

Then came another comment:

“There were times change didn’t go smoothly. This created frustrations for you, and though unintentional, those frustrations were felt by others.”

No examples. No context. Just interpretation.

I wasn’t frustrated. I was exhausted and hiding, trying to stay under the radar. Like many high-performing employees, I moved into survival mode. I disengaged quietly, doing the minimum while processing the situation. Looking back, that disengagement must have registered as frustration. But in the moment, it was self-preservation.

How to Respond to Vague Feedback

After sitting with the feedback and enjoying a well-earned dinner to celebrate my big raise, 100%+ bonus, and a substantial equity grant (above the standard for my level), I had to decide, do I simply sign the performance review or write a comment in response.

Here’s what I did and why:

Celebrate what’s right before fixing what’s wrong.

Don’t overlook the positive feedback. There are data points in there too!. And celebrate! Treat yourself to a dinner, massage, a hike – anything that celebrates your success. It will propel you through the hard part and the work on the development areas.

Asked clarifying questions with curiosity.

Instead of defending or explaining yourself in any instance where the feedback doesn’t resonate or feels judgmental, I asked: “Can you give me an example so I understand how to pivot?” This will ensure you are not arguing or defending. Phrasing your curiosity this way will show self-awareness and a desire to grow.

Hold feedback lightly.

Even when feedback feels off, judgmental, or unfair, ask yourself: “If 2% of this is true, what could I do differently?” I treated that reflection like play dough – shaping, testing, seeing it from new angles. I even gamified improvement by spending a month asking only questions in meetings instead of offering opinions. It was fun and most importantly, it worked.

Protect your energy.

If private conversations are used against you, note it mentally and set new boundaries. Decide how much you will share in the future and whether it is necessary to share your thoughts in certain situations.

Advice for Leaders and Employees

For Leaders:

Give feedback like a map, not a mirror. A mirror reflects your judgment; a map shows direction.
Be specific. Behavior-based examples turn judgment into coaching.
Create psychological safety. Feedback should never feel like punishment. Development areas are meant for…development. If you rip someone down, they will not be motivated to improve so the feedback will defeat the purpose.

For Employees: