How to Network When You Have Social Anxiety: Insights from Michaela Alexis

Networking is often treated as a non-negotiable career skill, but for many professionals, the very idea can cause dread. It certainly does for me! Whether you're a quiet introvert, a remote worker feeling disconnected, or someone managing clinical social anxiety, Michaela Alexis wants you to know this: you are not alone, and there is a better way to network.

Michaela Alexis is the author of No Fear Networking: A Guide to Building Relationships for the Socially Anxious.

In a conversation full of vulnerability and wisdom, Michaela redefines networking as a process of human connection rather than transactional exchange.

Rethinking Networking: From Transaction to Connection

Most people associate networking with business cards and awkward mixers. I know I did before talking to Michaela but she has a complete different idea of networking. “Networking really for me is just building your community,” she says. “It's about proving to yourself that you can do things that are scary so that you can do other things that are scary because life is filled with all of these events.”

Her philosophy focuses on relationship-building, not outcomes. Rather than counting the number of leads or business cards exchanged, she suggests paying attention to how you feel when you leave a conversation. Did you feel seen? Did you connect?

Spontaneous Networking vs. Forced Events

Michaela distinguishes between forced, high-pressure networking and what she calls spontaneous networking—the chance meetings that happen in line at the coffee shop, during Zoom calls, or while walking your dog. These interactions are often more rewarding because they lack the pressure of an agenda.

“There was a study that showed people feel physically unclean after traditional networking events,” Michaela notes. “But when I talked to people about spontaneous networking, they lit up.” For socially anxious professionals, this shift in mindset changes everything. It creates space to connect in a way that feels safe, real, and manageable.

Five Steps to Low-Stress Networking

In her book, Michaela outlines a five-step framework to help socially anxious people build confidence and consistency. Each step is designed to reduce overwhelm and restore a sense of control.

1. Set a Goal: Instead of walking into a room hoping for magic, set an intention. It can be as small as “remember three names” or “say hello to two people I don’t know.”

2. Choose the Right Location: Where you network matters. Location choice can make or break your comfort level.

   
   

3. Create a Game Day Ritual: Borrow from athletes and speakers. Whether it’s a warm shower, a custom playlist, or ten minutes of meditation, ritual signals to your body that you're prepared.

   
   

4. Understand Your Social Battery: Everyone has a social energy limit. Know yours.

   
   

5. Visualize Success: Whether it’s a conference speech or a coffee date, visualizing how you’ll feel after the event helps reduce fear. Even visualizing small wins can retrain your mindset.

   
   

The Power of Parallel Play and Alternative Networking

If networking events feel like too much, Michaela recommends starting smaller. “Go to a coffee shop. Sit next to someone else working. That’s called parallel play, and it can be just as meaningful.” Inspired by child psychology, parallel play allows adults to feel connected without pressure.

This concept is especially helpful for remote workers, neurodivergent professionals, or anyone with introverted tendencies. Connection doesn't have to mean conversation. Presence is powerful.

How Leaders Can Support Socially Anxious Team Members

If you manage others, Michaela encourages a shift in leadership style, starting with vulnerability. “If you’re asking someone to open up, you go first. Share something small about your own struggle. That opens the door.”

She introduces the 15 Percent Rule, a concept from psychologist Dr. Carol Robin. “In order to connect more deeply, both people need to go 15 percent beyond their comfort zone. It’s not about trauma-dumping. It’s about small acts of openness that invite real connection.”

Simple questions can make a difference:

• How do you like to socialize?

• What types of group settings feel best for you?

• What would make this event easier?

These questions allow leaders to offer personalized support without making assumptions or labeling employees.

Self-Ownership and Workplace Empowerment

Michaela emphasizes the importance of self-awareness. “Before asking for accommodations, you need to understand your own needs. Do some inner work. Track your energy. Pay attention to how different situations affect you.”

She encourages socially anxious professionals to keep a journal, reflect on experiences, and advocate for themselves in constructive ways. Whether it’s asking for a quiet workspace, proposing alternative team activities, or setting boundaries, these small shifts can lead to sustainable success.

Final Thoughts: Redefining Success Through Connection

“Your future is not totally dependent on the four walls you sit within,” Michaela says. “If you feel stuck, start small. Make space for something spontaneous. Try one baby step today.”

Networking is not about being the loudest person in the room. It’s about building relationships in ways that feel authentic, purposeful, and supportive. Whether that’s one conversation on LinkedIn or a quiet lunch with a colleague, every interaction counts.

If you're ready to network your way—with courage and care—check out Michaela’s book, No Fear Networking: A Guide to Building Relationships for the Socially Anxious. 

If you want to hear the entire conversation with rich examples and ideas for networking with ease, click here to listen on Work Unscripted.