We’ve all heard it before—maybe we’ve even said it ourselves. “Don’t tell anyone, but…” And what follows is usually something about a colleague, a company decision, or an incident at work that probably shouldn’t be shared.
People say this because they think they have friends at work. And you’re probably thinking, “What? Of course, I have friends!” Sure, you do. But here’s the reality—when you tell someone a workplace secret and ask them to keep it quiet, 99% of the time, it will get out. Yes, 99% of the time!
Maybe they won’t say you told them, but they’ll talk. Because people talk. They can’t help it. Gossip, information-sharing, venting—it’s part of human nature. Even the most trustworthy colleagues will sometimes let things slip, unintentionally or otherwise.
Why This Mistake Can Cost You
It damages your reputation – Once you’re seen as someone who spills confidential or sensitive information, people will hesitate to trust you.
It can come back to bite you – The workplace is unpredictable. That “friend” you confided in today could be vying for the same promotion as you tomorrow.
It makes you look unprofessional – Leadership values discretion. Being known as someone who shares too much can hold you back from growth opportunities.
What to Do Instead
Think before you speak – If you wouldn’t want your boss (or HR) to hear it, don’t say it.
Keep personal and professional boundaries – Not everything needs to be shared, even with work friends. Fight with your spouse? Kids not letting you sleep? Keep your personal life at home.
Keep your feelings to yourself – If you are worried about a reorg, layoff, or changes in leadership, never voice your concerns to others. I told someone I was "disappointed in a decision" and within minutes, that was translated to "upset," "frustrated," "angry" and I was none of those. I certainly was after I heard that was how it was being portrayed! Don't be me - keep it to yourself!
Be clear you are not joining in – If someone tries to pull you into gossip, politely stop them with, "Before you tell me, just so I know the context, do you want me to listen or give you advice?" Notice neither of those include joining in the gossip. The worst thing you can do is say, "She did that to me too!" Don't join in with your example to empathize!
At the end of the day, the workplace is not high school. It’s an environment where your words can have real consequences. So before you say, “Don’t tell anyone, but…”—just don’t.
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